The Christians Are Ruining It: a conversation between Christians

Have you ever had one of those moments where you get a look at yourself and see 'the you' others see?  Well... tonight, I had one of those moments... sort of.  Tonight, after a 6 month wait, we were able to take our kids to see their favorite artists at Winter Jam.  We've been trying for more than a year to get our son to a Toby Mac concert so this was a pretty big deal.  But it almost didn't happen.

Despite my husband having waited in the snow for 3 hours to get in - we couldn't get seats - we found ourselves drowning in a sea of people who were anything but loving.  As I fought back tears (having had my kids separated from me over and over, and then nearly trampled by the crowds), I thought to myself, "This is why people hate Christians, and therefor hate God".  And it broke my heart. But more than that, it infuriated me.  I didn't want to be stuck inside a building with 20,000 + people who afterward were going to go out to their church vans and fill the streets with their same aggressive, self righteous behavior.  I didn't want be anywhere near these people who cared more about getting to do what they wanted - than they cared about their neighbor who is alone, and hurting.  I was embarrassed for Jesus. To be honest, I was ashamed to be a part of this "religion", and I just wanted to go home.

Now, I'm not saying these people were evil, or that they were even malicious.  In fact, that's what bothered me most. I found myself in a sea of thousands of people who were so comfortable in their tunnel vision for a seat at this concert, that they'd simply forgotten about love.

I found myself reeling in the understanding that the Christians are ruining the gospel message by being more focused on their own agendas. See, for the first time, in a long time, I caught a glimpse of an "outsider's" perspective of the church: A bunch of people who really seem like they might be okay, until you have to interact with them. 

The message we, as believers in Christ, have to share is much too precious & valuable to let ourselves get caught up in "us".  We cannot allow our own lives to eclipse God.  But unfortunately all too often, we do. We get our hearts set on something, or we lose focus of what's really important, and we show our ugly side without realizing it, or worse yet - we often justify our ugly behavior. We trample other peoples needs, just as tonight my four children were trampled in that crowd, and in doing so, we tarnish God's reputation.  

Tonight, I realized just how many roadblocks we, the church put up - roadblocks that keep people from knowing the love and grace that Jesus died to extend to us. I'll be honest, I am not immune to this self-righteous behavior.  I too have been more effective at establishing roadblocks than in being an accurate image of Christ. I have cast judgement on others, I have opened my mouth and inserted my foot, and I have been "too busy" to take time to see the person I just trampled with words, or inattentiveness, or plain old ambivalence. 

So in closing, I am challenged (and I encourage you to join me), to ask God to reveal in me - "Where am I trampling someone else?  Where am I too busy being me, to be a reflection of You? Where am I, as a Christian ruining it for those who don't know you?"  And if you're someone who I have trampled, or I have had tunnel vision and failed to see your need - please, tell me.  Give me the opportunity to learn but also (and probably more importantly) to be forgiven. From here on out, may I be intentional about wanting to Live Like That, and asking God and myself, "Am I proof, that you are who you say you are,that grace can really change a heart? Do I live like your love is true?".

P.S.

We did finally get seats (it took speaking to 7 different "official" people before "official" person # 8 finally came and escorted us to seats) - and we were able to enjoy an awesome concert.

Blessings from the most unexpected place... public school...

3 years ago, I was faced with a painful decision... well, there wasn't really much decision to be made.  I found myself at a place where I had no choice but to withdraw my children from a sheltered, small, highly academic private school in order to send them to - *gasp* - public school!  It was a painful experience, yet one that I knew would afford my children additional opportunities.  Despite the growth they would experience, I was terrified that they would be exposed to horrific things.  Children with foul mouths, terrible influences and parents who didn't give a rip. Some of this was part of the package, but to be honest, my assumptions were way off - but what I was most surprised by, is the many blessings we've received through public school:

• Kids are not only permitted, but are encouraged to learn in a variety of situations
• Different learning styles are embraced
• Teachers have a variety of resources and support (okay so this might not be true everywhere, but then there is no one "universal truth" in public school)
• My kids have learned to respect and work with kids from a variety of backgrounds
• The staff are absolutely delightful!  
• We were welcomed with open arms into our children's classrooms and anything we could do to help was appreciated (this was not the case in one of our private school experiences)
• My kids learned to love others - no matter what they look like, how they talk or what skill level they are at.
• My son was challenged to take on responsibilities in leadership - something he never would have imagined doing - and he excelled at it.
• My children have faced bullies , and while this may seem like a hardship, I can already see that my children are stronger for it.  They know the value of compassion for others, and the importance of kindness.  They know "what not to do" to others - so much so that I had to stop myself from interfering to protect my child when she chose to become close friends with the bully in her class - which worked out well.  She took the high road and it paid off and the bully had the opportunity to have a friend, for once
• My children have learned to be grateful for the life they have
• My children have learned to stand firm for what they believe in, but part of that process has included seeing what happens when they don't stand strong... something even Simon Peter experienced
• We have had the opportunity to build relationships with a large circle of people outside of a "holy huddle"
• We have learned to communicate clearly with our children - we ask what they are learning and probe into certain things - and often end up in very engaging family discussions about what they've learned at school and what God's Word says about those matters
• My children are better prepared to face the real world - to go to college where they'll witness people living promiscuous lives, indulging in alcohol, engaging in pornography, and beyond...  And rather than being shielded from reality (as I had originally intended when they were little), they will know that have what it takes to stick to their convictions and walk away from destructive behavior

This list is so small, and in no way complete... but I had to start somewhere.  See, tomorrow is my children's last day at their school.  The last time we will walk onto the campus - a place that has come to represent safety, nurturing and growth - for them and for us as parents.  Tomorrow they end their school year, just weeks before our move - tomorrow, we close the book on this chapter in our lives at this wonderful school.  So even though this post doesn't do it justice, I had to take time out to thank God publicly for the many blessings He has afforded us in the most unexpected circumstances.  

Today, I Choose Joy

This morning I woke up to a song on the radio taken from Psalm 118:24.  I don't know which song it was, in fact all I remember is that it was one I hadn't heard before, and grumbling and cranky, I rolled back over and tried to go to sleep.  When I finally did get up, I turned Pandora on and here comes another song about Psalm 118:24.  Even through my groggy sleepy state, I got the hint from God, and despite having had a really rough week, I silently committed to choose joy today.

Within in 5 minutes I had an issue from a person in my life that just makes me want to scream (we all have one or two of these people... some more present in our lives than others), and I chose joy. It wasn't the smoothest morning in our house, but I chose joy.  The weather was nasty, after a week of summer, we had rain, snow and dreary skies, but I chose joy.  Of course, I was silently asking God to give me the joy, as I certainly wasn't capable of being joyful on my own, and He was faithful to provide it.

At last, it was the most dreaded time of the morning in our house... time to pack lunches, and I chose joy (which is why there was a noticeable difference with my kids and their attitudes). I dutifully began packing their lunches, and as I reached into the fridge for a yogurt, I realized something wasn't right.  The yogurt was room temperature.  The fridge had gone out!  I started to panic.

What do I do?  How long ago was it?  Is everything spoiled? I don't have time for this, I'm supposed to volunteer in my daughter's class and I have a long awaited lunch date with a friend... whatever am I going to do? 

In that moment, as I was running down my list of worries and excuses, there was a quiet whisper in the back of my mind, "psst... remember... choose joy".  I almost rolled my eyes.  "Are you serious? Choose joy?" I nearly protested... after all I had just stocked up on groceries.   Last night we just bought a brand new gallon of milk.  Seriously?!?! Choosing joy was the last thing on my to-do list in that moment.  And yet, I couldn't avoid it.  The moment I surrendered to joy, everything became clear.  I was able to rearrange my schedule so after dropping the kids of at school I could come home and cook up all the meat in the freezer that was still partially frozen.  I started to see what a blessing the timing of this really was:

• It was my day off... had this happened two days ago, it would have caused a nightmare, but today things weren't so bad.
• It's a holiday weekend so I have plenty of time to organize my new shopping list
• My kids won't be home tonight so there's no hurry to get it figured out before school pick-up
• The big garbage can is empty (the idea of rotten food sitting around my house or the alternative of making a run to the dump over something like this were both terrible ideas - so this realization was huge)
• We have a fridge in the garage so no need to run out and buy a new one
• Financially we have the means to replace what we lost - even if it meant we cut something else out in the budget* 
• We're moving in 6 weeks - I was already planning to try to put everything in our freezer to use in the next few weeks (which means that now we don't have to eat the nasty trout from last year's fishing derby, nor do I feel guilty for throwing it away)

So... I set to work - throwing everything in the fridge (well except for the apples) out, and most of the "sides" in the freezer.  Fortunately very little of the meat had thawed. Well, except for the 2 pounds of bacon we had, but it was still cold so tomorrow morning, my husband may have the best breakfast he's ever had... bacon, bacon and more bacon.  All in all - things weren't looking so bad.  But I'm convinced it wasn't the circumstances that weren't so bad, it was the joy I'd "chosen" (okay, in this case, maybe I was coerced into choosing) that improve the way I approached it.

Only then did a random thought occur to me.  I have been planning to pay off a big medical bill this week...and just like "that" it hit me, maybe they'd negotiate down the bill... so I prayed and then called.  And sure enough, they did.  The amount they reduced my bill by more than covered the cost of replacing the food we lost.

God could have "swooped down from Heaven" and taken care of all this.  If He can give Moses the power to part a stinkin' sea... He surely has the power to have wiped away that medical bill, or keep our fridge from going out.  but instead, He chose to a) meet our needs and b) make it evident that He was meeting our needs.  I know I'm guilty of expecting Him to just miraculously make difficult situations disappear, but today, I am reminded that if He were to do that, we'd miss out on the opportunity to see just how much He cares about the most minute details of our lives.  We wouldn't be able to fully understand his glory or the meaning of Ephesians 3:20.

So as our family is in the midst of a major season of trusting Him and walking by faith - today, I have had the honor of witnessing just what my loving God has been promising me all along "I've got this, I've got it all covered, just trust me" and despite my circumstances, I commit to choosing joy.

---

*Footnote - there was a day, when I as a single mom, I had lost everything in my fridge.  The power had gone out and with an already meagerly stocked pantry,  I was left with nothing to feed my children, much less the means to replace it.  God provided for us but it was definitely not easy.  It took me a couple of months to recover financially from it.  Why am I bringing this up?  Because it's easy for us to look at our life circumstances and think it's all crap.  But it's important to see the blessings that we so often overlook.  Having my fridge go out is terribly inconvenient and not what I want to spend money on, but I know it could have been much worse... I've lived it.  And I am grateful that I have, that I can now look at a crummy situation and not take it for granted but instead rejoice in even the smallest of blessings.

We've got some big news to share...

 These past few years have been a wild ride for our family.  We've experienced some incredibly high, highs, and some terribly low lows - but through it all God has been there, by our side, providing for us, comforting us, and guiding us.  And so, it is with great excitement that we take our a huge leap of faith in following Him around the next bend in the road.  God has blessed us with a wonderful job opportunity for John based out of Greensboro, North Carolina.

This July we'll pack up and move 2,600 miles across the country to a land filled with lush green trees, southern hospitality, sweet tea, and plenty of new experiences!  It's a bittersweet transition for our family, but one that we have no doubt God is calling us to. We are excited for John's new job as a commercial electrician, and we certainly look forward to being much, much closer to Sariah & Dylan!

Once everything is on the moving truck, we'll head out of town (early in July) on our adventurous drive across 10 states (Nevada, Utah, into Wyoming, Colorado, Kansas, Missouri, Illinois, Kentucky, Tennessee & into North Carolina).  It'll be an opportunity to grow as a family, and grow closer to God.  I'm not kidding.  I'm dead serious.  See, I loathe road trips.  I can barely make it through a 2 hour meeting, so 8 hours in the car will teach me to pray and to rely on God for patience, and self-control.  It will also do the same for John as he will need copious amounts of prayer to enact the "for better or for worse" vow he committed to at our wedding.  He'll be likely to put up with whining, constant bathroom breaks, bickering, singing, snoring, and babbling.  And that's just from me... imagine what the kids will do with all that time on their hands!  In fact, just to be safe, we'll be taking time out to recommit our lives to one another in marriage, and proclaim our determination to make it happen with Road Trip Wedding Vows prior to our departure!

Seriously though - we are excited and grateful for the adventure that God's got in store for us this summer, and we covet your prayers for a smooth move, that God would protect us, provide for our needs, and help us find the right home in North Carolina.  We also ask for prayer as we walk through the emotional roller coaster of this.  While we have some exciting things in store for us, it will be hard to leave Nevada.  We've had some wonderful opportunities and developed great friendships here.

Of course, if you live along the route we'll be travelling - let us know - maybe we'll have enough time to stop in and say hello!

Such an ordinary weekend with such extraordinary meaning

This weekend was absolutely amazing!  We went to visit my sister and brother-in-law and had the best time imaginable.  We did nothing remarkable, and that was the most amazing part.

The day the call came,
Mark with his wife and son

77 days ago, my brother-in-law, Mark McEvoy had a double lung transplant that nearly cost him his life.  I was there the day the call came, later that afternoon we sat there, in the hospital room, awaiting his surgery, wondering how things would turn out. My sister had finally fallen a sleep for a little bit, after weeks of hardly resting at all. Mark sat in his hospital bed, hooked up to oxygen and I did everything I could as I watched him trace his 5 month old son's hand.  I watched him trying to memorize every little part of his precious baby's body, the wrinkles along each knuckle, the shape of his eyes and the size of his feet.  I watched Mark inventorying every detail about his sleeping son, wondering if it would be the last time he saw him.
And it nearly was.

Holding his 5 month old son's hand.

24 hours later we sat in the ICU waiting room, digesting the news that they didn't think he'd survive.  They couldn't control the bleeding after his transplant and they had placed Mark on life support.  At this point, they'd lost count of how many units of blood, platelets and plasma he'd received and were only focused on trying to transfuse him at the same rate he was losing blood.  They'd opened his chest up bedside and manually pumped his heart for him.  They were sure he'd had a stroke and didn't think he'd have the neurological function to breathe on his own again. His pupils were unresponsive, he was bleeding uncontrollably and his heart was at it's limit.  At this point, it was only through prayer that we had any hope at all.

It was a long few days following his transplant.  The hours ticked by so slowly... the nights were spent sleeping on a waiting room floor.  Finally after a week, we'd begun to see enough neurological function that we could grasp on to hope that he would make it...

77 days is a long time.  Mark's fought hard to heal and God's provided him with immeasurable strength.  We've seen more answered prayers than we can count - and that's exactly what this weekend marked for our family.

This weekend - hanging out
at the farmers market (the mask is
to protect mark from germs from others)

We traveled 5 hours to visit my brother-in-law and sister in their temporary home just a few miles from Stanford University.  We had the most normal weekend we've had since last summer.  We hung out.  We laughed, we cracked jokes, Mark teased our kids, they teased him back.  We ate way too much food, and had way too much fun, doing the absolutely normal things that we never thought we'd get to do with Mark.  It was blissful, and it was a weekend I will forever treasure!

In a nutshell...

Growing up, we had the best backyard, filled with adventure (including a willow tree which made for some great swinging vines for this former tom boy), a wonderful garden and almond and walnut trees.  I loved getting to pick the almonds and walnuts - but I was happy to pass on eating them.  I would from time to time, have an almond or two, but the walnuts - no thanks!  I think it broke my mom's heart - she loves tree nuts... but I was so against them, I would turn down any food with walnuts (including brownies).  I mean really, who wants to eat something that makes your mouth tingle like that?!?  WHAT?  They don't make most people's mouths tingle?

See I didn't know that a tingling mouth was not a normal reaction to walnuts... I thought it was just one of those weird foods, like a not-so-ripe persimmon.  I never knew what it was like to eat walnuts without that feeling in my mouth so how could I know that was a problem?  I just learned to avoid them and pecans... I never could understand why people like pecan pie (I think that's a gift from God that I never, ever wanted to eat a pecan or pecan pie...).  Yeah - so, it turns out I'm allergic to tree nuts (ya think).  Now when I tell people about my tingly mouth sensation, I get one of two responses 1) *laughter* and the look that says "Are you kidding me?  Of course they don't make your mouth tingle!" OR 2) "What?  That's not normal?" which is usually followed by a barrage of questions such as "but they do kind of make your tongue feel bigger in your mouth, right?" to which I want to scream "NO! That's a very serious reaction - if your tongue can swell in your mouth, it can swell in your throat and cut off your air supply!!!"  But just like me, for most people the symptom doesn't seem odd because it's the way their body has always reacted to it.  Unfortunately though, tree nut allergies can turn on you in an instant... you can go from having symptoms that you hardly notice to anaphylactic shock in one exposure!

I have personally walked down an frustrating road with tree nuts... a few years ago, while camping, I was snacking on some trail mix and I noticed the almonds began to cause my throat to itch (something that I know is an allergic response because it happens to me when I eat melon, which I'm also allergic to)...so I ate the other bits but not the almonds.  Not long after, the cashews started to make my throat itch... and then, the raisins that had been in the same trail mix did... At this point, I finally admitted I probably had a nut allergy and should talk to my doctor about it.  Buuuttt... you see... I'm a little [understatement] stubborn so a few weeks later, when I knew the throat itchiness was long gone, while at home, where I knew it was "safe", I tried a pistachio to see if I was allergic - I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS METHOD FOR TESTING ALLERGIES... ESPECIALLY BECAUSE I KNOW NOW WHAT CAN HAPPEN.  Right after putting it in my mouth, I told my husband, just in case anything serious happened to me... needless to say, I wouldn't be surprised if he lost all respect for me in that moment, as he went into partial panic mode.  Yup.  I had a reaction, albeit mild...at this point I realized that I had too many tree nuts on my list of airway reactions to ever eat a tree nut again.

Fast forward a year... one day on my way to church, I stopped by a coffee shop and picked up my favorite scone.  I hurried out the door and headed down the road - without looking at what I'd ended up with, I took a bite and noticed it wasn't my normal scone... but then I bit into something crunchy... honestly, my thought was "Oh Crap! That had better not be a nut!".  Yup.  Turns out it was a pecan... which I now know is the one nut I am absolutely most allergic to.  I started carrying an epi-pen that week and became very aware of every food I put in my mouth.  Since then I've only had one other reaction, which I can only attribute to contamination (a food that touched the surface a nut product was on), and I can tell you first hand that an epi-pen is worth every penny (and they are expensive) as it saved me!  I now avoid any foods made on the shared equipment which means goodbye Godiva :(, granola bars, baked goods at Christmas and even many cereals.  I also avoid eating at any restaurant that can't tell me what's in their food (but that should be common sense to begin with... if they can't [or won't] tell you what's in it... you probably shouldn't put it in your body... regardless of any allergies). I carry my epi-pen with me everywhere, along with benadryl and 2 inhalers (yes 2), and I know that should I accidentally ingest a tree nut - I've done everything I can to make sure I get to see my kids the following morning.

So why do I write this?  Who really cares about me and my tree nut allergy?  Well this time, for once, it isn't about me.  As I write this, I'm picturing the faces of the people who have been surprised to hear what nut allergy symptoms are like.  I'm writing this with the hopes that my story can help someone else know that it's important to go to the doctor and talk about your reactions to foods and other common allergens (I've also had reactions to coconut, melon, and medicine) - it's not a sign of weakness... it's being proactive to save your own life.

If you have any type of reaction to common allergens (peanuts, peas, tree nuts, latex & stings or bites from bugs) - even if you believe it's not life threatening... please, please, please talk to your doctor.  If you're not sure how to describe what you're getting at, try taking the survey at http://www.myallergysurvey.com/.

God cares about football lovers too!

Back in October, we had the privilege of getting to meet Dave Dravecky and hearing his incredible story of a hope found after losing his big league dreams. We knew we couldn't resist getting an autographed baseball as a Christmas gift for our 9 year old son, Dylan who loves baseball - and who's favorite team is the SF Giants. Our oldest son, Jonah (10) was upset that he didn't get a baseball. I felt terrible - but what could I do? The opportunity had passed and we couldn't just give Jonah his brother's gift. Besides, Jonah's a football fan more than baseball so I just put it out of my mind.

A few weeks ago, my husband and I decided to pop into Scheel's for a little window shopping (it was only fair that after spending 2 hours at Toys R Us trying to find inline skates for all 4 of our kids - that John would have the chance to go to "guyland"). We'd wandered the entire store and as we rounded the corner to leave, we practically walked into a

table where Bubba Paris, former SF 49er's lineman (and Super Bowl champion) sat signing autographs. I noticed a sign said he was an ordained minister and the wheels began turning. In all of my meeknesss [insert sarcasm here], I approached Bubba asking him to tell me about his faith. This poor man who probably receives every football question in the book was taken aback. After he recovered from the surprise of my question (which he admitted nobody else had ever asked him before - at least not in this situation), we were able to confirm that we did indeed have the same faith.

This guy is huge - he made the folding chair he sat in look as if it we're a child's toy. All of a sudden he jumps up - towering over us (my husband is 6'1 and was dwarfed by Bubba). He came around the table, embracing us - and overjoyed to be talking about God with other believers. It was such a cool experience. After a long and surreal conversation we ended up leaving with a football autographed for Jonah.

As we drove home, both John and I were giddy with excitement as the reality of what had happened hit us. We realized that God used us to encourage Bubba - he was overjoyed to talk about God with complete strangers - at the same time that God used Bubba to encourage us. God loves our sons more than we do - and He wanted to give them each a wonderful gift of encouragement. When talking to Bubba, he had asked us why God sent us to talk to him. In the moment, I didn't really take time to think about this question, but when it came down to it I realized that God really did orchestrate all of the details so that both of our boys could have a tangible reminder that no matter what you do in life, you can do it to God's glory. They both have sports memorabilia from successful sports stars that remind them, they are not alone in their faith, that whether they're "ordinary" men or super stars when they grow up, God will use their lives in ways they can't even imagine right now. And we all have a reminder that God cares about the details - and when we're tempted to believe God is the guy described in the song "Wind Beneath My Wings" as watching over us from a distance - we can look at that baseball and football and be reminded that the truth is God is an active and caring part of the most minute details of our lives. So much so that, He took time to honor Dylan in his love for baseball. But he also took time to honor Jonah in his passion for football - after all, God cares about football lovers too!

Christmas Morning: we made the boys open their gifts at the same time on Christmas morning. We recounted the tale of how those gifts came to be - that God had set it up so they could receive them. Both of the boys totally "got it" and were nearly moved to tears. So were John and I!

Don't let her be "that girl" Part 1

This weekend my wonderful husband and I escaped for a little getaway. It was absolutely delightful, that is, until we went to lunch on Saturday. We sat on the patio of a crowded restaurant in San Francisco, enjoying our delicious clam chowder and fish 'n chips, but our joy was stolen by the couple sitting just a few feet away.

At first the couple appeared to be having a great time. Laughing together and enjoying their conversation. Suddenly the girl knocked over her water glass. It was clearly an accident and she scrambled to stop the water from spilling all over her boyfriend. With an embarrassed smile she attempted to mop up the water quickly. But it wasn't enough for him. "What's wrong with you?" he shouted. And in that moment everything changed. A simple accident, responded to with harsh, condescending words pounded home a message to this girl that she was worthless, so much so that she wasn't even worthy of making a mistake. Clearly it wasn't the first time she'd heard this message either. How do I know this? I recognized the look in her eyes. A look of hopelessness, and defeat. A look that I, all too often have worn.

I spent years in a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship and while it's been years since I was surrounded by that, I still find myself feeling the effects of it. But the worst is when I see a young girl in a dating relationship who is subjected to that. I wanted to run over and hug her. I wanted to take her away from this guy who had just trampled her heart in one angry comment. I wanted to pass on all the things I have learned so that she wouldn't believe the same lies I had believed at one time.

Unfortunately, it wasn't the time or the place to do that, so here I am today, writing this post in hopes that maybe, just maybe it will help one person recognize the hurt a friend or loved one is experiencing and be there to love them through it. Standing by your friend/family member will help her move forward. You can play a part in her life in keeping her from being "that girl" - the one who dies a silent and lonely death inside by ways of emotional abuse. Loving her and holding an emotional mirror up so she can see her true worth will carry her through it. Not excusing her abusers behavior and not condemning her will help her gain the courage it takes to face her situation. Just don't ignore her. Don't look past her. And don't demean her.

For more information about different types of abuse, check out these resources:

• Focus On The Family
• HelpGuide.org

Spoiled By Prosperity

As a mom, one of the most valued treasures I have is my washing machine. But you know, sometimes we need to be reminded of how valuable our treasures are. Last week my washing machine died. Just like that. No more clean laundry in our house. So one day this week, I came home from work and loaded up the dirty laundry (and I'm ashamed to say there was a lot of it), bought as many quarters from the kids piggy banks as they had to offer, and packed books and video games and headed to the laundromat with the two kids.

When I got there, I looked around - disoriented, at first trying to gauge the level of cleanliness, where is it safe to sit and where can the kids set their food (yes I did hit the drive through on the way there)? As the kids played with the wheely baskets (I have no idea what they're really called but I do know that the kids sure loved them) I cringed at the thought of all the germs they may have on them. Now let me just take a moment to apologize to anyone who might be reading this who uses a laundromat on a regular basis. Please have patience with me - this is going somewhere,,. I started to load a few machines with clothing and after 3 loads which cost $2 each realized there was no way I had enough money to do all this laundry. I started to panic. I had many more loads, and my quarters were disappearing fast. Fortunately another woman there directed me to the large capacity machines where I could wash a quilt and a small load of clothing. I was actually so stupidly arrogant that I felt the need to explain to her that my washing machine broke and that was why I was there. What an idiot I am. When I saw the look on her face that must have meant "ah... you're one of those people who judge the rest of us here doing our weekly laundry" - I had to take a moment to stop and think about things.

I had a lot of time to think - 3 hours really. While my kids ran circles with the wheely baskets, checking the timers on the machines washing and drying our clothes - my mind raced. I thought about the large numbers of people who must use a laundromat all the time and how expensive, inconvenient, and time consuming it is. I thought about how blessed I was that I could not only do a load of laundry when it suited me, but I only had to spend money for the water and electricity to do so - way less than $2/wash and $1.50 to dry a tiny load. I thought about the vast difference there was in my life and the lives of people around this world. I thought about the wonder and awe somebody from a village in Thailand would experience just being in a laundromat. And the privilege it was to have clean water much less a machine to do to the work, compared to the dirty canals and sewage systems people around the world may use to wash their clothes.

And even with these thoughts running through my head - I caught myself wondering if anyone I knew had seen me as they drove by - and I felt ashamed - at first that I would be seen at a laundromat, but second that I would be such a snob as to even care.

It was somewhere in the midst of this internal battle that I found myself wanting to get to know the maintenance lady who was there washing the floors, cleaning each machine, and emptying the lint traps. She complimented my children's helpful attitudes and good behavior and I had to wonder what her story was. How many children did she see causing trouble or getting in her way? How often does she even get noticed? How did she get this job? Was it her only source of income? Was it fulfilling? Did she enjoy her job? I admired her work ethic and her professionalism. I liked her. I don't know why, but I was drawn to her. She was strong, hard working, and kind. She was an example that I would like to follow.

A few years ago, due to life circumstances, I lost many of my belongings that - most of which had meant a lot to me. And through that loss, I thought I had learned that "it was just stuff" and there is no need to be emotionally attached to it. Yet here I was, sitting in a laundromat, struggling with pride and arrogance when in fact I was privileged to even have a place where I could come wash my families clothes...that we had so many clothes that it cost us $35 in quarters... and that we even had $35 to spend on laundry.

In the midst of a polarized week - one that began with the devastation caused by storms and tornadoes in the south and on the east coast and wrapped up with a royal wedding - I have to take a moment to step back and realize just how spoiled by prosperity we are in this nation. I am ashamed that I could be so arrogant as to think there was something wrong with using a laundromat. I now see just how privileged I am that we could. And I have to say - while it's very humbling to have those moments when God opens your eyes to your own attitude - I don't want to lose it. I want to stay tuned in to the reality of what's going on around me, I want to quit being so caught up in myself.

Open during construction

Have you ever been in a store while they remodel? Or walked along a city sidewalk while they restore a building? It can be risky, dangerous and downright inconvenient at times - and if it's a construction zone you have to come in contact with on a regular basis - it feels like they'll never finish (particularly when they close a lane on the freeway - you know the one that was already backed up every day)...

Well unfortunately for those in my life - I've been under construction. For the past 2 years, God has been preparing our family for some big changes - much like a remodel - there must be behind the scenes work. Plans must be drawn, budgets must be made, materials must be purchased and crews must be hired and organized (and that's before the demolition even begins).

Well for 2 years God has been at work in our lives in sort of the same way. And then the project began to take shape. At first it was really messy, but we're starting to get to the point where we can see the value of the project. You could say the new paint colors are going up. It doesn't mean the project is done - but we're getting to the point where it's starting to look like it makes sense. It's been really cool to see God at work - as He paints each stroke, I can't help but look at the project with awe. While we prayed and prayed for this remodel in our lives - I simply wasn't prepared for what was to come. And yet - as we've had ups and downs through it all - God has been preparing me. He has been challenging me to look beyond the sawdust and the floor, littered with debris, and to stay focused on the artist rendition of the finished product.

I've probably said it before on this blog... but I just have to say it again - one of the greatest truths I've learned in life, is that everything has to look ugly before it can be beautiful - and when the Master Creator is weaving beauty into "ugly" - well... there are no words!

So lastly - before I close, I have to take time to thank the people in my life who have loved me through these crazy months, have prayed for our family and have been kind enough to not complain about the mess in this place, those who have resolved to be patient with us while we're "open during construction"!

It's the small things

So in the midst of a crazy season - when I find myself flying down the freeway of life at breakneck speeds - it's then that I realize - it's the little things that matter.

Tonight my 7 year old daughter made her own Barbie Monopoly. Each property was defined by places or things that make sense in her little world. Property #1 - "Hannah Montana Van" - this is her most prized possession. It's big, purple, hideously ugly and by far the most enticing toy she owns. So it makes sense that it would be property #1!

Her other properties included Walmart & Costco (which I believe we spend entirely too much time at), Virginia City (a local town that is by far the biggest tourist attraction to the 'wild west' set), and in place of Broadway and Park Place were the "Swim Center" and "Waterslide".

It could have been so easy to overlook the value of this board game created by 4 1/4 sheets of binder paper all taped, stapled and glued together.

But the star of this story - as much as it may seem like my daughter - is my husband. He is the one who pointed out that this game was a keeper, that this game was a reflection of our 7 year old's little world. And in doing that - he caused me to take a moment to really pay attention, to come up for air, and just take a look at my surroundings. And while it was a small thing - to suggest we keep this made up board game - it was indeed, a very big thing.

Thank You

To those who have kissed their loved ones goodbye, only to wonder if they'll see them again - this side of heaven. To those who have given up hopes and dreams, home and things - to fight for our freedom. To those who have lay in a hospital bed, been bandaged, stitched, broken, not fully mended. To those who have held tight to secrets of fear, intimidation & loneliness in hopes of providing strength for their loved ones thousands of miles away. I say, THANK YOU.

Thank you for protecting my freedom to live my life. My freedom to worship God, my freedom to raise my children. My freedom to work where I choose. My freedom to wear what I wear. My freedom to marry whom I love. My freedom to vote, to think, to speak and to write.

Brent Yamada ● Ed Menezes ● Steve Kincade ● Louis D’Hondt ● Jennifer Abbott ● Ben Abbott ● Josh Nauman ● Nate Shaw ● Rudy Bisson ● Kirt Robinson ● Rudolph Bisson ● Charles Alkula ● Meredith Stringer ● Jason Meyer ● Steve Gardner ● Ryan Lacroix ● Elixabeth Lacroix ● Nathaniel Stamps ● Steve Lochridge ●Jason Noble ● Ron Rogers ● David Dirksen ● Aren Hansen ● Eric Vance ● Claude Johnson ● Tina Johnson ● Mark Kostelecky ● Lydia Woodbury ● Dean Woodbury ● Mark Bowers ● Patrick Cannon ● Pat Ryan ● Don Giard ● Vicki Giard ● Ron Giard ●And Countless Others...

Thank you for your sacrifice. Thank you for your bravery. Thank you for your selflessness. And a special thanks to your spouses who are a whole other type of veteran!

Go Vote

We are blessed to live in a nation with freedoms that we all too often took for granted. We have a right, a privilege and an obligation to vote. It breaks my heart to hear stories from people who believe it doesn't matter. It does! Get out there and vote today! Your vote counts!

Halloween

For the past 12 years - I have tried to hide from Halloween. It's evil. Or is it? Years ago, a wonderful friend of mine asked me why "we" (Christians) let the enemy have all the fame and glory on Halloween. Why not reclaim it for Christ? Hmm... what a clever thought!

So for a few years - our family did harvest parties. At churches. Because that's reclaiming the day for Christ right? A church spending copious amounts of money and resources so Christian kids can play games and get loads of candy. Well it may have been reclaiming the day for Christ on the church's behalf - but I have to be honest - it was not on mine. It was a safe hiding place. I never did anything unique or special to give God glory or to share Him with anyone - at these harvest parties.

This year is different, for a few reasons:

1. Our church isn't hosting a harvest party
   That is the sad truth... our church not hosting a harvest party is the catalyst for change. Nothing I did.
   
2. Our kids are older - they have an interest in some of the "creepy stuff"
   We have a 9 year old boy in the house. He owns sweatshirts, shoes, t-shirts and I'm guessing countless toys with skulls and crossbones. So how do I now tell him he can't do a skeleton on his pumpkin. Wait - when did a skeleton become evil anyhow?
   
3. God has planted a holy discontentment in my heart.
   After realizing our church wasn't hosting a party - He began to give me a holy discontentment towards my own view of Halloween. He's been teaching me in some subtle and some very direct ways that Halloween provides a unique opportunity to build community in our neighborhood. How many other times a year are you encouraged to go visit neighbors, unannounced and interact with them?

So what are we doing about it? We're going trick or treating! That's right. We're going trick or treating in our neighborhood. We're going to go be a part of our community. And next year - we're going to consider how we can make a difference for Christ - in a way that honors and pleases Him - but speaks the common language of our community. At this brainstorming stage - I am seeing a bounce house, disco ball, Toby Mac on the stereo and some seriously good - high quality candy. We'll be praying about it - seeking His will on how we're going to claim this day for Christ!

If I had the enthusiasm of barista...

Today I ran through the Starbucks drive-thru (a shock huh!). As the barista served my drink she pointed to a new product:

B: "Have you tried our new [product]"

T: "Yes", I wrinkled my nose (I always forget how expressive I am - until it's too late).

B:"What you didn't like it?" she genuinely continued "Why?"

T: "It tasted like [insert description]" **Note - at this point I was brutally honest about my experience with this product.

The barista was concerned that I'd had a negative experience. I mean really concerned. It was clear she loves this product, and she believes that everyone else will too. And so with all of her enthusiasm she asked me to stay put at the window as she ran off to find a free sample of this product. A moment later she brought the sample back along with a delicious sounding recipe for how to use it. And that's it - I all of a sudden, had a renewed interest in this product. I wanted to dash home and try it out.

This barista went above and beyond in making sure I knew about the product. She was unabashed about encouraging me to try it - and she was genuine in hearing why I didn't like it. There was no pride. My excuse didn't dissuade her from telling me more about it. She even offered me an alternative for the same product.

So it got me thinking... am I like that for Jesus? Now first off - I have to make it very clear. Jesus is everything, He is not just a product! But let's just consider for a moment, the passion held by this barista. And then ask - if she can be that passionate about a coffee shop product - then shouldn't I be a gazillion times (yes that is a real word - I looked it up in the urban dictionary) - as I was saying, shouldn't I be a gazillion times more passionate about Jesus?

I have to ask myself,

• When is the last time I unabashedly invited someone to church or told them about Jesus?
  
• When is the last time someone told me that tried church once and it was [..............] - and I truly listened?
• When is the last time I took what I heard about their previous experience at church - and offered encouragement for them to try it again - even if it's a different church, a different style but the same Jesus?
• When was the last time someone left a conversation with me feeling like they were heard? That they were cared for?
  
• When was the last time someone saw my passion for Jesus - and they caught it?
  

Hmmm... looks like I need to take notes from this passionate, unabashed barista. Maybe I'll go back there tomorrow - just for a little observation time... and if I pick up a latte - who can blame me?

Random

So I absolutely hate the movie "The Princess Bride" (I know - I can imagine the look on your face - I've seen it a thousand times when I tell someone this)... but in debating what to blog about - what lesson I've learned from life - I couldn't help but think... "Mawwiage..." and even I - being the #1 anti-Princess Bride proponent - had to look it up on youtube.



That's it. There was no actual point this - except the random thought that I had a freakish recall of the Princess bride.

Oh - and for those movie fanatics who are still hyperventilating over someone saying they hate this movie.... I've never seen Star Wars. And I don't ever intend to. Sorry.

10 things I love about ministry

I absolutely love what I do - and here's why:

10. I absolutely love knowing that what I am doing is for the greater good. It's not a prideful thing - it's not about making my mark. It's about knowing that the blood, sweat and tears (and all the joy too) - matter.

9. I love being in my sweet spot. For 29 years - I really had no idea what I was "good at". I mean I knew I could do this - and do that - but what my genuine gifts and talents were - I had no idea. Then God put me in this ministry role. And I am totally in my sweet spot. I love it! I love giving everything I have to serve Him at the fullest capacity.

8. I love needing God. Being in my sweet spot is a great experience - but the best part of it - is not being able to do it alone. He is regularly giving me new ideas, creativity and ingenuity. And I need it! I pray daily for Him to equip me. Because without His faithfulness to me - I wouldn't be able to do what I do. And I love that!

7. I love being on the team. Unlike in the "business" world - everyone I work with is on the same team. We all follow the same playbook (the Bible) - and we're all in it for the win!

6. I love submission. I do! I love working for leaders who are wise, seek godly counsel, have discernment, and a devotion to God. That means submitting to their authority is a blessing.

5. I love planning. Call me weird - or neurotic - but I love planning. Give me a Plan A, and I'm on board - but know that I'll be working on a Plan B in my head! And in ministry - this can be a great asset.

4. I love seeing other people discover their sweet spot. There is nothing like the overwhelming experience of discovering who/what God created you to be. And in my work - I often get to see people discover it. How awesome is that!

3. I love to have fun. And ministry is fun. In many ways - ministry is a thrill ride. You never know what's coming - it can be exhilarating.

2. I love the accountability. Not one person that I work with will allow me to settle for complacency. I love that when I am wrong - I am lovingly held accountable for it. And I am challenged to put God first in everything. And it shows when I don't - but my ministry family loves me through it - and redirects me when I need it.

1. The number one reason I love ministry... I love people. I love being a part of a team whose focus is to see lives changed. I love getting to hear stories of how God has changed someone's life. I love meeting new people at church and helping them grow roots. I love having the opportunity to put others first.

Notice It's easy is not one of these top 10! It's not. Ministry is hard. It can be very difficult at times, but it doesn't mean I don't love it!

Back to school shopping & customer service

I am a new forever fan of The Children's Place. Went back to school shopping. With 4 backpacks, 4 lunch boxes, 4 first day of school outfits, 4 pairs of jeans and two sweatshirts I hefted it all onto the register counter and jokingly asked for a "bulk discount" - they said "yeah - we can give you 15% off." (on top of the sale prices) I couldn't believe it! I was stunned. But that's not all...after leaving the mall we realized they forgot to ring up a pair of jeans. So back at the mall they gave us a 50% off the already 50% discounted price - for a grand total of $7.50!!! Now that's customer service!

Oh - and if you don't know - their backpacks and lunch boxes are the BEST. We've never thrown one out - even after being used for 2 years (and at $16.55 for both - it's a bargain you can't pass up)!



Roller Coaster Ride

These past two years have been... well quite the roller coaster. A year and a half ago, God was completing the final preparations to bring my husband, John to take a huge leap of faith. At the time we were engaged. He lived in North Carolina - I in Nevada. God was preparing him to quit his job as a licensed electrician, sell his house and move across the country, marry me and change careers. Obediently John did just that.

We were married in July. In September we announced the arrival of a baby, expected in April. Two weeks later, we lost the baby. John had a sure thing job. It fell through. He had another sure thing job. It fell through. And another. And it fell through. Our first year of marriage was a roller coaster of monster proportions. Our hopes soared high. And we experienced intense disappointments.

But we have never, ever, for one moment been apart from God's grip. There have been moments - when I have looked around at the storm surrounding us - and have begun to sink. But He has not let me drown. He has not let me become submerged. Every time - He has immediately reached out and grabbed me.

While it has not been easy - it has been a journey that has been necessary. God has taught me to rely on Him in new ways. He has taught me to trust Him. And He has taught me how compassionate, caring and loving He is. He has also knit my husband and I together tighter than we could have ever imaged - because our loving, faithful Father is at the center of our family. So for that I am grateful to have the opportunity to ride this wild ride.

In a funk

Have you ever been in auto-pilot and known it was time to hit the "off switch" but had a hard time finding it? I've had this experience before... and here I am again. It's a surreal sensation. I don't know what has brought it on, or what it will take to shake it. I do know that God is doing something though and it's only a matter of time before I'm recognize what it is that He is up to. And that revelation will be the "off switch" to the auto-pilot.