Today, I Choose Joy

This morning I woke up to a song on the radio taken from Psalm 118:24.  I don't know which song it was, in fact all I remember is that it was one I hadn't heard before, and grumbling and cranky, I rolled back over and tried to go to sleep.  When I finally did get up, I turned Pandora on and here comes another song about Psalm 118:24.  Even through my groggy sleepy state, I got the hint from God, and despite having had a really rough week, I silently committed to choose joy today.

Within in 5 minutes I had an issue from a person in my life that just makes me want to scream (we all have one or two of these people... some more present in our lives than others), and I chose joy. It wasn't the smoothest morning in our house, but I chose joy.  The weather was nasty, after a week of summer, we had rain, snow and dreary skies, but I chose joy.  Of course, I was silently asking God to give me the joy, as I certainly wasn't capable of being joyful on my own, and He was faithful to provide it.

At last, it was the most dreaded time of the morning in our house... time to pack lunches, and I chose joy (which is why there was a noticeable difference with my kids and their attitudes). I dutifully began packing their lunches, and as I reached into the fridge for a yogurt, I realized something wasn't right.  The yogurt was room temperature.  The fridge had gone out!  I started to panic.

What do I do?  How long ago was it?  Is everything spoiled? I don't have time for this, I'm supposed to volunteer in my daughter's class and I have a long awaited lunch date with a friend... whatever am I going to do? 

In that moment, as I was running down my list of worries and excuses, there was a quiet whisper in the back of my mind, "psst... remember... choose joy".  I almost rolled my eyes.  "Are you serious? Choose joy?" I nearly protested... after all I had just stocked up on groceries.   Last night we just bought a brand new gallon of milk.  Seriously?!?! Choosing joy was the last thing on my to-do list in that moment.  And yet, I couldn't avoid it.  The moment I surrendered to joy, everything became clear.  I was able to rearrange my schedule so after dropping the kids of at school I could come home and cook up all the meat in the freezer that was still partially frozen.  I started to see what a blessing the timing of this really was:

• It was my day off... had this happened two days ago, it would have caused a nightmare, but today things weren't so bad.
• It's a holiday weekend so I have plenty of time to organize my new shopping list
• My kids won't be home tonight so there's no hurry to get it figured out before school pick-up
• The big garbage can is empty (the idea of rotten food sitting around my house or the alternative of making a run to the dump over something like this were both terrible ideas - so this realization was huge)
• We have a fridge in the garage so no need to run out and buy a new one
• Financially we have the means to replace what we lost - even if it meant we cut something else out in the budget* 
• We're moving in 6 weeks - I was already planning to try to put everything in our freezer to use in the next few weeks (which means that now we don't have to eat the nasty trout from last year's fishing derby, nor do I feel guilty for throwing it away)

So... I set to work - throwing everything in the fridge (well except for the apples) out, and most of the "sides" in the freezer.  Fortunately very little of the meat had thawed. Well, except for the 2 pounds of bacon we had, but it was still cold so tomorrow morning, my husband may have the best breakfast he's ever had... bacon, bacon and more bacon.  All in all - things weren't looking so bad.  But I'm convinced it wasn't the circumstances that weren't so bad, it was the joy I'd "chosen" (okay, in this case, maybe I was coerced into choosing) that improve the way I approached it.

Only then did a random thought occur to me.  I have been planning to pay off a big medical bill this week...and just like "that" it hit me, maybe they'd negotiate down the bill... so I prayed and then called.  And sure enough, they did.  The amount they reduced my bill by more than covered the cost of replacing the food we lost.

God could have "swooped down from Heaven" and taken care of all this.  If He can give Moses the power to part a stinkin' sea... He surely has the power to have wiped away that medical bill, or keep our fridge from going out.  but instead, He chose to a) meet our needs and b) make it evident that He was meeting our needs.  I know I'm guilty of expecting Him to just miraculously make difficult situations disappear, but today, I am reminded that if He were to do that, we'd miss out on the opportunity to see just how much He cares about the most minute details of our lives.  We wouldn't be able to fully understand his glory or the meaning of Ephesians 3:20.

So as our family is in the midst of a major season of trusting Him and walking by faith - today, I have had the honor of witnessing just what my loving God has been promising me all along "I've got this, I've got it all covered, just trust me" and despite my circumstances, I commit to choosing joy.

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*Footnote - there was a day, when I as a single mom, I had lost everything in my fridge.  The power had gone out and with an already meagerly stocked pantry,  I was left with nothing to feed my children, much less the means to replace it.  God provided for us but it was definitely not easy.  It took me a couple of months to recover financially from it.  Why am I bringing this up?  Because it's easy for us to look at our life circumstances and think it's all crap.  But it's important to see the blessings that we so often overlook.  Having my fridge go out is terribly inconvenient and not what I want to spend money on, but I know it could have been much worse... I've lived it.  And I am grateful that I have, that I can now look at a crummy situation and not take it for granted but instead rejoice in even the smallest of blessings.

We've got some big news to share...

 These past few years have been a wild ride for our family.  We've experienced some incredibly high, highs, and some terribly low lows - but through it all God has been there, by our side, providing for us, comforting us, and guiding us.  And so, it is with great excitement that we take our a huge leap of faith in following Him around the next bend in the road.  God has blessed us with a wonderful job opportunity for John based out of Greensboro, North Carolina.

This July we'll pack up and move 2,600 miles across the country to a land filled with lush green trees, southern hospitality, sweet tea, and plenty of new experiences!  It's a bittersweet transition for our family, but one that we have no doubt God is calling us to. We are excited for John's new job as a commercial electrician, and we certainly look forward to being much, much closer to Sariah & Dylan!

Once everything is on the moving truck, we'll head out of town (early in July) on our adventurous drive across 10 states (Nevada, Utah, into Wyoming, Colorado, Kansas, Missouri, Illinois, Kentucky, Tennessee & into North Carolina).  It'll be an opportunity to grow as a family, and grow closer to God.  I'm not kidding.  I'm dead serious.  See, I loathe road trips.  I can barely make it through a 2 hour meeting, so 8 hours in the car will teach me to pray and to rely on God for patience, and self-control.  It will also do the same for John as he will need copious amounts of prayer to enact the "for better or for worse" vow he committed to at our wedding.  He'll be likely to put up with whining, constant bathroom breaks, bickering, singing, snoring, and babbling.  And that's just from me... imagine what the kids will do with all that time on their hands!  In fact, just to be safe, we'll be taking time out to recommit our lives to one another in marriage, and proclaim our determination to make it happen with Road Trip Wedding Vows prior to our departure!

Seriously though - we are excited and grateful for the adventure that God's got in store for us this summer, and we covet your prayers for a smooth move, that God would protect us, provide for our needs, and help us find the right home in North Carolina.  We also ask for prayer as we walk through the emotional roller coaster of this.  While we have some exciting things in store for us, it will be hard to leave Nevada.  We've had some wonderful opportunities and developed great friendships here.

Of course, if you live along the route we'll be travelling - let us know - maybe we'll have enough time to stop in and say hello!

God cares about football lovers too!

Back in October, we had the privilege of getting to meet Dave Dravecky and hearing his incredible story of a hope found after losing his big league dreams. We knew we couldn't resist getting an autographed baseball as a Christmas gift for our 9 year old son, Dylan who loves baseball - and who's favorite team is the SF Giants. Our oldest son, Jonah (10) was upset that he didn't get a baseball. I felt terrible - but what could I do? The opportunity had passed and we couldn't just give Jonah his brother's gift. Besides, Jonah's a football fan more than baseball so I just put it out of my mind.

A few weeks ago, my husband and I decided to pop into Scheel's for a little window shopping (it was only fair that after spending 2 hours at Toys R Us trying to find inline skates for all 4 of our kids - that John would have the chance to go to "guyland"). We'd wandered the entire store and as we rounded the corner to leave, we practically walked into a

table where Bubba Paris, former SF 49er's lineman (and Super Bowl champion) sat signing autographs. I noticed a sign said he was an ordained minister and the wheels began turning. In all of my meeknesss [insert sarcasm here], I approached Bubba asking him to tell me about his faith. This poor man who probably receives every football question in the book was taken aback. After he recovered from the surprise of my question (which he admitted nobody else had ever asked him before - at least not in this situation), we were able to confirm that we did indeed have the same faith.

This guy is huge - he made the folding chair he sat in look as if it we're a child's toy. All of a sudden he jumps up - towering over us (my husband is 6'1 and was dwarfed by Bubba). He came around the table, embracing us - and overjoyed to be talking about God with other believers. It was such a cool experience. After a long and surreal conversation we ended up leaving with a football autographed for Jonah.

As we drove home, both John and I were giddy with excitement as the reality of what had happened hit us. We realized that God used us to encourage Bubba - he was overjoyed to talk about God with complete strangers - at the same time that God used Bubba to encourage us. God loves our sons more than we do - and He wanted to give them each a wonderful gift of encouragement. When talking to Bubba, he had asked us why God sent us to talk to him. In the moment, I didn't really take time to think about this question, but when it came down to it I realized that God really did orchestrate all of the details so that both of our boys could have a tangible reminder that no matter what you do in life, you can do it to God's glory. They both have sports memorabilia from successful sports stars that remind them, they are not alone in their faith, that whether they're "ordinary" men or super stars when they grow up, God will use their lives in ways they can't even imagine right now. And we all have a reminder that God cares about the details - and when we're tempted to believe God is the guy described in the song "Wind Beneath My Wings" as watching over us from a distance - we can look at that baseball and football and be reminded that the truth is God is an active and caring part of the most minute details of our lives. So much so that, He took time to honor Dylan in his love for baseball. But he also took time to honor Jonah in his passion for football - after all, God cares about football lovers too!

Christmas Morning: we made the boys open their gifts at the same time on Christmas morning. We recounted the tale of how those gifts came to be - that God had set it up so they could receive them. Both of the boys totally "got it" and were nearly moved to tears. So were John and I!

Open during construction

Have you ever been in a store while they remodel? Or walked along a city sidewalk while they restore a building? It can be risky, dangerous and downright inconvenient at times - and if it's a construction zone you have to come in contact with on a regular basis - it feels like they'll never finish (particularly when they close a lane on the freeway - you know the one that was already backed up every day)...

Well unfortunately for those in my life - I've been under construction. For the past 2 years, God has been preparing our family for some big changes - much like a remodel - there must be behind the scenes work. Plans must be drawn, budgets must be made, materials must be purchased and crews must be hired and organized (and that's before the demolition even begins).

Well for 2 years God has been at work in our lives in sort of the same way. And then the project began to take shape. At first it was really messy, but we're starting to get to the point where we can see the value of the project. You could say the new paint colors are going up. It doesn't mean the project is done - but we're getting to the point where it's starting to look like it makes sense. It's been really cool to see God at work - as He paints each stroke, I can't help but look at the project with awe. While we prayed and prayed for this remodel in our lives - I simply wasn't prepared for what was to come. And yet - as we've had ups and downs through it all - God has been preparing me. He has been challenging me to look beyond the sawdust and the floor, littered with debris, and to stay focused on the artist rendition of the finished product.

I've probably said it before on this blog... but I just have to say it again - one of the greatest truths I've learned in life, is that everything has to look ugly before it can be beautiful - and when the Master Creator is weaving beauty into "ugly" - well... there are no words!

So lastly - before I close, I have to take time to thank the people in my life who have loved me through these crazy months, have prayed for our family and have been kind enough to not complain about the mess in this place, those who have resolved to be patient with us while we're "open during construction"!

Roller Coaster Ride

These past two years have been... well quite the roller coaster. A year and a half ago, God was completing the final preparations to bring my husband, John to take a huge leap of faith. At the time we were engaged. He lived in North Carolina - I in Nevada. God was preparing him to quit his job as a licensed electrician, sell his house and move across the country, marry me and change careers. Obediently John did just that.

We were married in July. In September we announced the arrival of a baby, expected in April. Two weeks later, we lost the baby. John had a sure thing job. It fell through. He had another sure thing job. It fell through. And another. And it fell through. Our first year of marriage was a roller coaster of monster proportions. Our hopes soared high. And we experienced intense disappointments.

But we have never, ever, for one moment been apart from God's grip. There have been moments - when I have looked around at the storm surrounding us - and have begun to sink. But He has not let me drown. He has not let me become submerged. Every time - He has immediately reached out and grabbed me.

While it has not been easy - it has been a journey that has been necessary. God has taught me to rely on Him in new ways. He has taught me to trust Him. And He has taught me how compassionate, caring and loving He is. He has also knit my husband and I together tighter than we could have ever imaged - because our loving, faithful Father is at the center of our family. So for that I am grateful to have the opportunity to ride this wild ride.

In a funk

Have you ever been in auto-pilot and known it was time to hit the "off switch" but had a hard time finding it? I've had this experience before... and here I am again. It's a surreal sensation. I don't know what has brought it on, or what it will take to shake it. I do know that God is doing something though and it's only a matter of time before I'm recognize what it is that He is up to. And that revelation will be the "off switch" to the auto-pilot.