The Christians Are Ruining It: a conversation between Christians

Have you ever had one of those moments where you get a look at yourself and see 'the you' others see?  Well... tonight, I had one of those moments... sort of.  Tonight, after a 6 month wait, we were able to take our kids to see their favorite artists at Winter Jam.  We've been trying for more than a year to get our son to a Toby Mac concert so this was a pretty big deal.  But it almost didn't happen.

Despite my husband having waited in the snow for 3 hours to get in - we couldn't get seats - we found ourselves drowning in a sea of people who were anything but loving.  As I fought back tears (having had my kids separated from me over and over, and then nearly trampled by the crowds), I thought to myself, "This is why people hate Christians, and therefor hate God".  And it broke my heart. But more than that, it infuriated me.  I didn't want to be stuck inside a building with 20,000 + people who afterward were going to go out to their church vans and fill the streets with their same aggressive, self righteous behavior.  I didn't want be anywhere near these people who cared more about getting to do what they wanted - than they cared about their neighbor who is alone, and hurting.  I was embarrassed for Jesus. To be honest, I was ashamed to be a part of this "religion", and I just wanted to go home.

Now, I'm not saying these people were evil, or that they were even malicious.  In fact, that's what bothered me most. I found myself in a sea of thousands of people who were so comfortable in their tunnel vision for a seat at this concert, that they'd simply forgotten about love.

I found myself reeling in the understanding that the Christians are ruining the gospel message by being more focused on their own agendas. See, for the first time, in a long time, I caught a glimpse of an "outsider's" perspective of the church: A bunch of people who really seem like they might be okay, until you have to interact with them. 

The message we, as believers in Christ, have to share is much too precious & valuable to let ourselves get caught up in "us".  We cannot allow our own lives to eclipse God.  But unfortunately all too often, we do. We get our hearts set on something, or we lose focus of what's really important, and we show our ugly side without realizing it, or worse yet - we often justify our ugly behavior. We trample other peoples needs, just as tonight my four children were trampled in that crowd, and in doing so, we tarnish God's reputation.  

Tonight, I realized just how many roadblocks we, the church put up - roadblocks that keep people from knowing the love and grace that Jesus died to extend to us. I'll be honest, I am not immune to this self-righteous behavior.  I too have been more effective at establishing roadblocks than in being an accurate image of Christ. I have cast judgement on others, I have opened my mouth and inserted my foot, and I have been "too busy" to take time to see the person I just trampled with words, or inattentiveness, or plain old ambivalence. 

So in closing, I am challenged (and I encourage you to join me), to ask God to reveal in me - "Where am I trampling someone else?  Where am I too busy being me, to be a reflection of You? Where am I, as a Christian ruining it for those who don't know you?"  And if you're someone who I have trampled, or I have had tunnel vision and failed to see your need - please, tell me.  Give me the opportunity to learn but also (and probably more importantly) to be forgiven. From here on out, may I be intentional about wanting to Live Like That, and asking God and myself, "Am I proof, that you are who you say you are,that grace can really change a heart? Do I live like your love is true?".

P.S.

We did finally get seats (it took speaking to 7 different "official" people before "official" person # 8 finally came and escorted us to seats) - and we were able to enjoy an awesome concert.

Blessings from the most unexpected place... public school...

3 years ago, I was faced with a painful decision... well, there wasn't really much decision to be made.  I found myself at a place where I had no choice but to withdraw my children from a sheltered, small, highly academic private school in order to send them to - *gasp* - public school!  It was a painful experience, yet one that I knew would afford my children additional opportunities.  Despite the growth they would experience, I was terrified that they would be exposed to horrific things.  Children with foul mouths, terrible influences and parents who didn't give a rip. Some of this was part of the package, but to be honest, my assumptions were way off - but what I was most surprised by, is the many blessings we've received through public school:

• Kids are not only permitted, but are encouraged to learn in a variety of situations
• Different learning styles are embraced
• Teachers have a variety of resources and support (okay so this might not be true everywhere, but then there is no one "universal truth" in public school)
• My kids have learned to respect and work with kids from a variety of backgrounds
• The staff are absolutely delightful!  
• We were welcomed with open arms into our children's classrooms and anything we could do to help was appreciated (this was not the case in one of our private school experiences)
• My kids learned to love others - no matter what they look like, how they talk or what skill level they are at.
• My son was challenged to take on responsibilities in leadership - something he never would have imagined doing - and he excelled at it.
• My children have faced bullies , and while this may seem like a hardship, I can already see that my children are stronger for it.  They know the value of compassion for others, and the importance of kindness.  They know "what not to do" to others - so much so that I had to stop myself from interfering to protect my child when she chose to become close friends with the bully in her class - which worked out well.  She took the high road and it paid off and the bully had the opportunity to have a friend, for once
• My children have learned to be grateful for the life they have
• My children have learned to stand firm for what they believe in, but part of that process has included seeing what happens when they don't stand strong... something even Simon Peter experienced
• We have had the opportunity to build relationships with a large circle of people outside of a "holy huddle"
• We have learned to communicate clearly with our children - we ask what they are learning and probe into certain things - and often end up in very engaging family discussions about what they've learned at school and what God's Word says about those matters
• My children are better prepared to face the real world - to go to college where they'll witness people living promiscuous lives, indulging in alcohol, engaging in pornography, and beyond...  And rather than being shielded from reality (as I had originally intended when they were little), they will know that have what it takes to stick to their convictions and walk away from destructive behavior

This list is so small, and in no way complete... but I had to start somewhere.  See, tomorrow is my children's last day at their school.  The last time we will walk onto the campus - a place that has come to represent safety, nurturing and growth - for them and for us as parents.  Tomorrow they end their school year, just weeks before our move - tomorrow, we close the book on this chapter in our lives at this wonderful school.  So even though this post doesn't do it justice, I had to take time out to thank God publicly for the many blessings He has afforded us in the most unexpected circumstances.  

Today, I Choose Joy

This morning I woke up to a song on the radio taken from Psalm 118:24.  I don't know which song it was, in fact all I remember is that it was one I hadn't heard before, and grumbling and cranky, I rolled back over and tried to go to sleep.  When I finally did get up, I turned Pandora on and here comes another song about Psalm 118:24.  Even through my groggy sleepy state, I got the hint from God, and despite having had a really rough week, I silently committed to choose joy today.

Within in 5 minutes I had an issue from a person in my life that just makes me want to scream (we all have one or two of these people... some more present in our lives than others), and I chose joy. It wasn't the smoothest morning in our house, but I chose joy.  The weather was nasty, after a week of summer, we had rain, snow and dreary skies, but I chose joy.  Of course, I was silently asking God to give me the joy, as I certainly wasn't capable of being joyful on my own, and He was faithful to provide it.

At last, it was the most dreaded time of the morning in our house... time to pack lunches, and I chose joy (which is why there was a noticeable difference with my kids and their attitudes). I dutifully began packing their lunches, and as I reached into the fridge for a yogurt, I realized something wasn't right.  The yogurt was room temperature.  The fridge had gone out!  I started to panic.

What do I do?  How long ago was it?  Is everything spoiled? I don't have time for this, I'm supposed to volunteer in my daughter's class and I have a long awaited lunch date with a friend... whatever am I going to do? 

In that moment, as I was running down my list of worries and excuses, there was a quiet whisper in the back of my mind, "psst... remember... choose joy".  I almost rolled my eyes.  "Are you serious? Choose joy?" I nearly protested... after all I had just stocked up on groceries.   Last night we just bought a brand new gallon of milk.  Seriously?!?! Choosing joy was the last thing on my to-do list in that moment.  And yet, I couldn't avoid it.  The moment I surrendered to joy, everything became clear.  I was able to rearrange my schedule so after dropping the kids of at school I could come home and cook up all the meat in the freezer that was still partially frozen.  I started to see what a blessing the timing of this really was:

• It was my day off... had this happened two days ago, it would have caused a nightmare, but today things weren't so bad.
• It's a holiday weekend so I have plenty of time to organize my new shopping list
• My kids won't be home tonight so there's no hurry to get it figured out before school pick-up
• The big garbage can is empty (the idea of rotten food sitting around my house or the alternative of making a run to the dump over something like this were both terrible ideas - so this realization was huge)
• We have a fridge in the garage so no need to run out and buy a new one
• Financially we have the means to replace what we lost - even if it meant we cut something else out in the budget* 
• We're moving in 6 weeks - I was already planning to try to put everything in our freezer to use in the next few weeks (which means that now we don't have to eat the nasty trout from last year's fishing derby, nor do I feel guilty for throwing it away)

So... I set to work - throwing everything in the fridge (well except for the apples) out, and most of the "sides" in the freezer.  Fortunately very little of the meat had thawed. Well, except for the 2 pounds of bacon we had, but it was still cold so tomorrow morning, my husband may have the best breakfast he's ever had... bacon, bacon and more bacon.  All in all - things weren't looking so bad.  But I'm convinced it wasn't the circumstances that weren't so bad, it was the joy I'd "chosen" (okay, in this case, maybe I was coerced into choosing) that improve the way I approached it.

Only then did a random thought occur to me.  I have been planning to pay off a big medical bill this week...and just like "that" it hit me, maybe they'd negotiate down the bill... so I prayed and then called.  And sure enough, they did.  The amount they reduced my bill by more than covered the cost of replacing the food we lost.

God could have "swooped down from Heaven" and taken care of all this.  If He can give Moses the power to part a stinkin' sea... He surely has the power to have wiped away that medical bill, or keep our fridge from going out.  but instead, He chose to a) meet our needs and b) make it evident that He was meeting our needs.  I know I'm guilty of expecting Him to just miraculously make difficult situations disappear, but today, I am reminded that if He were to do that, we'd miss out on the opportunity to see just how much He cares about the most minute details of our lives.  We wouldn't be able to fully understand his glory or the meaning of Ephesians 3:20.

So as our family is in the midst of a major season of trusting Him and walking by faith - today, I have had the honor of witnessing just what my loving God has been promising me all along "I've got this, I've got it all covered, just trust me" and despite my circumstances, I commit to choosing joy.

---

*Footnote - there was a day, when I as a single mom, I had lost everything in my fridge.  The power had gone out and with an already meagerly stocked pantry,  I was left with nothing to feed my children, much less the means to replace it.  God provided for us but it was definitely not easy.  It took me a couple of months to recover financially from it.  Why am I bringing this up?  Because it's easy for us to look at our life circumstances and think it's all crap.  But it's important to see the blessings that we so often overlook.  Having my fridge go out is terribly inconvenient and not what I want to spend money on, but I know it could have been much worse... I've lived it.  And I am grateful that I have, that I can now look at a crummy situation and not take it for granted but instead rejoice in even the smallest of blessings.

We've got some big news to share...

 These past few years have been a wild ride for our family.  We've experienced some incredibly high, highs, and some terribly low lows - but through it all God has been there, by our side, providing for us, comforting us, and guiding us.  And so, it is with great excitement that we take our a huge leap of faith in following Him around the next bend in the road.  God has blessed us with a wonderful job opportunity for John based out of Greensboro, North Carolina.

This July we'll pack up and move 2,600 miles across the country to a land filled with lush green trees, southern hospitality, sweet tea, and plenty of new experiences!  It's a bittersweet transition for our family, but one that we have no doubt God is calling us to. We are excited for John's new job as a commercial electrician, and we certainly look forward to being much, much closer to Sariah & Dylan!

Once everything is on the moving truck, we'll head out of town (early in July) on our adventurous drive across 10 states (Nevada, Utah, into Wyoming, Colorado, Kansas, Missouri, Illinois, Kentucky, Tennessee & into North Carolina).  It'll be an opportunity to grow as a family, and grow closer to God.  I'm not kidding.  I'm dead serious.  See, I loathe road trips.  I can barely make it through a 2 hour meeting, so 8 hours in the car will teach me to pray and to rely on God for patience, and self-control.  It will also do the same for John as he will need copious amounts of prayer to enact the "for better or for worse" vow he committed to at our wedding.  He'll be likely to put up with whining, constant bathroom breaks, bickering, singing, snoring, and babbling.  And that's just from me... imagine what the kids will do with all that time on their hands!  In fact, just to be safe, we'll be taking time out to recommit our lives to one another in marriage, and proclaim our determination to make it happen with Road Trip Wedding Vows prior to our departure!

Seriously though - we are excited and grateful for the adventure that God's got in store for us this summer, and we covet your prayers for a smooth move, that God would protect us, provide for our needs, and help us find the right home in North Carolina.  We also ask for prayer as we walk through the emotional roller coaster of this.  While we have some exciting things in store for us, it will be hard to leave Nevada.  We've had some wonderful opportunities and developed great friendships here.

Of course, if you live along the route we'll be travelling - let us know - maybe we'll have enough time to stop in and say hello!

Such an ordinary weekend with such extraordinary meaning

This weekend was absolutely amazing!  We went to visit my sister and brother-in-law and had the best time imaginable.  We did nothing remarkable, and that was the most amazing part.

The day the call came,
Mark with his wife and son

77 days ago, my brother-in-law, Mark McEvoy had a double lung transplant that nearly cost him his life.  I was there the day the call came, later that afternoon we sat there, in the hospital room, awaiting his surgery, wondering how things would turn out. My sister had finally fallen a sleep for a little bit, after weeks of hardly resting at all. Mark sat in his hospital bed, hooked up to oxygen and I did everything I could as I watched him trace his 5 month old son's hand.  I watched him trying to memorize every little part of his precious baby's body, the wrinkles along each knuckle, the shape of his eyes and the size of his feet.  I watched Mark inventorying every detail about his sleeping son, wondering if it would be the last time he saw him.
And it nearly was.

Holding his 5 month old son's hand.

24 hours later we sat in the ICU waiting room, digesting the news that they didn't think he'd survive.  They couldn't control the bleeding after his transplant and they had placed Mark on life support.  At this point, they'd lost count of how many units of blood, platelets and plasma he'd received and were only focused on trying to transfuse him at the same rate he was losing blood.  They'd opened his chest up bedside and manually pumped his heart for him.  They were sure he'd had a stroke and didn't think he'd have the neurological function to breathe on his own again. His pupils were unresponsive, he was bleeding uncontrollably and his heart was at it's limit.  At this point, it was only through prayer that we had any hope at all.

It was a long few days following his transplant.  The hours ticked by so slowly... the nights were spent sleeping on a waiting room floor.  Finally after a week, we'd begun to see enough neurological function that we could grasp on to hope that he would make it...

77 days is a long time.  Mark's fought hard to heal and God's provided him with immeasurable strength.  We've seen more answered prayers than we can count - and that's exactly what this weekend marked for our family.

This weekend - hanging out
at the farmers market (the mask is
to protect mark from germs from others)

We traveled 5 hours to visit my brother-in-law and sister in their temporary home just a few miles from Stanford University.  We had the most normal weekend we've had since last summer.  We hung out.  We laughed, we cracked jokes, Mark teased our kids, they teased him back.  We ate way too much food, and had way too much fun, doing the absolutely normal things that we never thought we'd get to do with Mark.  It was blissful, and it was a weekend I will forever treasure!

In a nutshell...

Growing up, we had the best backyard, filled with adventure (including a willow tree which made for some great swinging vines for this former tom boy), a wonderful garden and almond and walnut trees.  I loved getting to pick the almonds and walnuts - but I was happy to pass on eating them.  I would from time to time, have an almond or two, but the walnuts - no thanks!  I think it broke my mom's heart - she loves tree nuts... but I was so against them, I would turn down any food with walnuts (including brownies).  I mean really, who wants to eat something that makes your mouth tingle like that?!?  WHAT?  They don't make most people's mouths tingle?

See I didn't know that a tingling mouth was not a normal reaction to walnuts... I thought it was just one of those weird foods, like a not-so-ripe persimmon.  I never knew what it was like to eat walnuts without that feeling in my mouth so how could I know that was a problem?  I just learned to avoid them and pecans... I never could understand why people like pecan pie (I think that's a gift from God that I never, ever wanted to eat a pecan or pecan pie...).  Yeah - so, it turns out I'm allergic to tree nuts (ya think).  Now when I tell people about my tingly mouth sensation, I get one of two responses 1) *laughter* and the look that says "Are you kidding me?  Of course they don't make your mouth tingle!" OR 2) "What?  That's not normal?" which is usually followed by a barrage of questions such as "but they do kind of make your tongue feel bigger in your mouth, right?" to which I want to scream "NO! That's a very serious reaction - if your tongue can swell in your mouth, it can swell in your throat and cut off your air supply!!!"  But just like me, for most people the symptom doesn't seem odd because it's the way their body has always reacted to it.  Unfortunately though, tree nut allergies can turn on you in an instant... you can go from having symptoms that you hardly notice to anaphylactic shock in one exposure!

I have personally walked down an frustrating road with tree nuts... a few years ago, while camping, I was snacking on some trail mix and I noticed the almonds began to cause my throat to itch (something that I know is an allergic response because it happens to me when I eat melon, which I'm also allergic to)...so I ate the other bits but not the almonds.  Not long after, the cashews started to make my throat itch... and then, the raisins that had been in the same trail mix did... At this point, I finally admitted I probably had a nut allergy and should talk to my doctor about it.  Buuuttt... you see... I'm a little [understatement] stubborn so a few weeks later, when I knew the throat itchiness was long gone, while at home, where I knew it was "safe", I tried a pistachio to see if I was allergic - I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS METHOD FOR TESTING ALLERGIES... ESPECIALLY BECAUSE I KNOW NOW WHAT CAN HAPPEN.  Right after putting it in my mouth, I told my husband, just in case anything serious happened to me... needless to say, I wouldn't be surprised if he lost all respect for me in that moment, as he went into partial panic mode.  Yup.  I had a reaction, albeit mild...at this point I realized that I had too many tree nuts on my list of airway reactions to ever eat a tree nut again.

Fast forward a year... one day on my way to church, I stopped by a coffee shop and picked up my favorite scone.  I hurried out the door and headed down the road - without looking at what I'd ended up with, I took a bite and noticed it wasn't my normal scone... but then I bit into something crunchy... honestly, my thought was "Oh Crap! That had better not be a nut!".  Yup.  Turns out it was a pecan... which I now know is the one nut I am absolutely most allergic to.  I started carrying an epi-pen that week and became very aware of every food I put in my mouth.  Since then I've only had one other reaction, which I can only attribute to contamination (a food that touched the surface a nut product was on), and I can tell you first hand that an epi-pen is worth every penny (and they are expensive) as it saved me!  I now avoid any foods made on the shared equipment which means goodbye Godiva :(, granola bars, baked goods at Christmas and even many cereals.  I also avoid eating at any restaurant that can't tell me what's in their food (but that should be common sense to begin with... if they can't [or won't] tell you what's in it... you probably shouldn't put it in your body... regardless of any allergies). I carry my epi-pen with me everywhere, along with benadryl and 2 inhalers (yes 2), and I know that should I accidentally ingest a tree nut - I've done everything I can to make sure I get to see my kids the following morning.

So why do I write this?  Who really cares about me and my tree nut allergy?  Well this time, for once, it isn't about me.  As I write this, I'm picturing the faces of the people who have been surprised to hear what nut allergy symptoms are like.  I'm writing this with the hopes that my story can help someone else know that it's important to go to the doctor and talk about your reactions to foods and other common allergens (I've also had reactions to coconut, melon, and medicine) - it's not a sign of weakness... it's being proactive to save your own life.

If you have any type of reaction to common allergens (peanuts, peas, tree nuts, latex & stings or bites from bugs) - even if you believe it's not life threatening... please, please, please talk to your doctor.  If you're not sure how to describe what you're getting at, try taking the survey at http://www.myallergysurvey.com/.

God cares about football lovers too!

Back in October, we had the privilege of getting to meet Dave Dravecky and hearing his incredible story of a hope found after losing his big league dreams. We knew we couldn't resist getting an autographed baseball as a Christmas gift for our 9 year old son, Dylan who loves baseball - and who's favorite team is the SF Giants. Our oldest son, Jonah (10) was upset that he didn't get a baseball. I felt terrible - but what could I do? The opportunity had passed and we couldn't just give Jonah his brother's gift. Besides, Jonah's a football fan more than baseball so I just put it out of my mind.

A few weeks ago, my husband and I decided to pop into Scheel's for a little window shopping (it was only fair that after spending 2 hours at Toys R Us trying to find inline skates for all 4 of our kids - that John would have the chance to go to "guyland"). We'd wandered the entire store and as we rounded the corner to leave, we practically walked into a

table where Bubba Paris, former SF 49er's lineman (and Super Bowl champion) sat signing autographs. I noticed a sign said he was an ordained minister and the wheels began turning. In all of my meeknesss [insert sarcasm here], I approached Bubba asking him to tell me about his faith. This poor man who probably receives every football question in the book was taken aback. After he recovered from the surprise of my question (which he admitted nobody else had ever asked him before - at least not in this situation), we were able to confirm that we did indeed have the same faith.

This guy is huge - he made the folding chair he sat in look as if it we're a child's toy. All of a sudden he jumps up - towering over us (my husband is 6'1 and was dwarfed by Bubba). He came around the table, embracing us - and overjoyed to be talking about God with other believers. It was such a cool experience. After a long and surreal conversation we ended up leaving with a football autographed for Jonah.

As we drove home, both John and I were giddy with excitement as the reality of what had happened hit us. We realized that God used us to encourage Bubba - he was overjoyed to talk about God with complete strangers - at the same time that God used Bubba to encourage us. God loves our sons more than we do - and He wanted to give them each a wonderful gift of encouragement. When talking to Bubba, he had asked us why God sent us to talk to him. In the moment, I didn't really take time to think about this question, but when it came down to it I realized that God really did orchestrate all of the details so that both of our boys could have a tangible reminder that no matter what you do in life, you can do it to God's glory. They both have sports memorabilia from successful sports stars that remind them, they are not alone in their faith, that whether they're "ordinary" men or super stars when they grow up, God will use their lives in ways they can't even imagine right now. And we all have a reminder that God cares about the details - and when we're tempted to believe God is the guy described in the song "Wind Beneath My Wings" as watching over us from a distance - we can look at that baseball and football and be reminded that the truth is God is an active and caring part of the most minute details of our lives. So much so that, He took time to honor Dylan in his love for baseball. But he also took time to honor Jonah in his passion for football - after all, God cares about football lovers too!

Christmas Morning: we made the boys open their gifts at the same time on Christmas morning. We recounted the tale of how those gifts came to be - that God had set it up so they could receive them. Both of the boys totally "got it" and were nearly moved to tears. So were John and I!