Don't let her be "that girl" Part 1

This weekend my wonderful husband and I escaped for a little getaway. It was absolutely delightful, that is, until we went to lunch on Saturday. We sat on the patio of a crowded restaurant in San Francisco, enjoying our delicious clam chowder and fish 'n chips, but our joy was stolen by the couple sitting just a few feet away.

At first the couple appeared to be having a great time. Laughing together and enjoying their conversation. Suddenly the girl knocked over her water glass. It was clearly an accident and she scrambled to stop the water from spilling all over her boyfriend. With an embarrassed smile she attempted to mop up the water quickly. But it wasn't enough for him. "What's wrong with you?" he shouted. And in that moment everything changed. A simple accident, responded to with harsh, condescending words pounded home a message to this girl that she was worthless, so much so that she wasn't even worthy of making a mistake. Clearly it wasn't the first time she'd heard this message either. How do I know this? I recognized the look in her eyes. A look of hopelessness, and defeat. A look that I, all too often have worn.

I spent years in a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship and while it's been years since I was surrounded by that, I still find myself feeling the effects of it. But the worst is when I see a young girl in a dating relationship who is subjected to that. I wanted to run over and hug her. I wanted to take her away from this guy who had just trampled her heart in one angry comment. I wanted to pass on all the things I have learned so that she wouldn't believe the same lies I had believed at one time.

Unfortunately, it wasn't the time or the place to do that, so here I am today, writing this post in hopes that maybe, just maybe it will help one person recognize the hurt a friend or loved one is experiencing and be there to love them through it. Standing by your friend/family member will help her move forward. You can play a part in her life in keeping her from being "that girl" - the one who dies a silent and lonely death inside by ways of emotional abuse. Loving her and holding an emotional mirror up so she can see her true worth will carry her through it. Not excusing her abusers behavior and not condemning her will help her gain the courage it takes to face her situation. Just don't ignore her. Don't look past her. And don't demean her.

For more information about different types of abuse, check out these resources:

• Focus On The Family
• HelpGuide.org

Spoiled By Prosperity

As a mom, one of the most valued treasures I have is my washing machine. But you know, sometimes we need to be reminded of how valuable our treasures are. Last week my washing machine died. Just like that. No more clean laundry in our house. So one day this week, I came home from work and loaded up the dirty laundry (and I'm ashamed to say there was a lot of it), bought as many quarters from the kids piggy banks as they had to offer, and packed books and video games and headed to the laundromat with the two kids.

When I got there, I looked around - disoriented, at first trying to gauge the level of cleanliness, where is it safe to sit and where can the kids set their food (yes I did hit the drive through on the way there)? As the kids played with the wheely baskets (I have no idea what they're really called but I do know that the kids sure loved them) I cringed at the thought of all the germs they may have on them. Now let me just take a moment to apologize to anyone who might be reading this who uses a laundromat on a regular basis. Please have patience with me - this is going somewhere,,. I started to load a few machines with clothing and after 3 loads which cost $2 each realized there was no way I had enough money to do all this laundry. I started to panic. I had many more loads, and my quarters were disappearing fast. Fortunately another woman there directed me to the large capacity machines where I could wash a quilt and a small load of clothing. I was actually so stupidly arrogant that I felt the need to explain to her that my washing machine broke and that was why I was there. What an idiot I am. When I saw the look on her face that must have meant "ah... you're one of those people who judge the rest of us here doing our weekly laundry" - I had to take a moment to stop and think about things.

I had a lot of time to think - 3 hours really. While my kids ran circles with the wheely baskets, checking the timers on the machines washing and drying our clothes - my mind raced. I thought about the large numbers of people who must use a laundromat all the time and how expensive, inconvenient, and time consuming it is. I thought about how blessed I was that I could not only do a load of laundry when it suited me, but I only had to spend money for the water and electricity to do so - way less than $2/wash and $1.50 to dry a tiny load. I thought about the vast difference there was in my life and the lives of people around this world. I thought about the wonder and awe somebody from a village in Thailand would experience just being in a laundromat. And the privilege it was to have clean water much less a machine to do to the work, compared to the dirty canals and sewage systems people around the world may use to wash their clothes.

And even with these thoughts running through my head - I caught myself wondering if anyone I knew had seen me as they drove by - and I felt ashamed - at first that I would be seen at a laundromat, but second that I would be such a snob as to even care.

It was somewhere in the midst of this internal battle that I found myself wanting to get to know the maintenance lady who was there washing the floors, cleaning each machine, and emptying the lint traps. She complimented my children's helpful attitudes and good behavior and I had to wonder what her story was. How many children did she see causing trouble or getting in her way? How often does she even get noticed? How did she get this job? Was it her only source of income? Was it fulfilling? Did she enjoy her job? I admired her work ethic and her professionalism. I liked her. I don't know why, but I was drawn to her. She was strong, hard working, and kind. She was an example that I would like to follow.

A few years ago, due to life circumstances, I lost many of my belongings that - most of which had meant a lot to me. And through that loss, I thought I had learned that "it was just stuff" and there is no need to be emotionally attached to it. Yet here I was, sitting in a laundromat, struggling with pride and arrogance when in fact I was privileged to even have a place where I could come wash my families clothes...that we had so many clothes that it cost us $35 in quarters... and that we even had $35 to spend on laundry.

In the midst of a polarized week - one that began with the devastation caused by storms and tornadoes in the south and on the east coast and wrapped up with a royal wedding - I have to take a moment to step back and realize just how spoiled by prosperity we are in this nation. I am ashamed that I could be so arrogant as to think there was something wrong with using a laundromat. I now see just how privileged I am that we could. And I have to say - while it's very humbling to have those moments when God opens your eyes to your own attitude - I don't want to lose it. I want to stay tuned in to the reality of what's going on around me, I want to quit being so caught up in myself.

Open during construction

Have you ever been in a store while they remodel? Or walked along a city sidewalk while they restore a building? It can be risky, dangerous and downright inconvenient at times - and if it's a construction zone you have to come in contact with on a regular basis - it feels like they'll never finish (particularly when they close a lane on the freeway - you know the one that was already backed up every day)...

Well unfortunately for those in my life - I've been under construction. For the past 2 years, God has been preparing our family for some big changes - much like a remodel - there must be behind the scenes work. Plans must be drawn, budgets must be made, materials must be purchased and crews must be hired and organized (and that's before the demolition even begins).

Well for 2 years God has been at work in our lives in sort of the same way. And then the project began to take shape. At first it was really messy, but we're starting to get to the point where we can see the value of the project. You could say the new paint colors are going up. It doesn't mean the project is done - but we're getting to the point where it's starting to look like it makes sense. It's been really cool to see God at work - as He paints each stroke, I can't help but look at the project with awe. While we prayed and prayed for this remodel in our lives - I simply wasn't prepared for what was to come. And yet - as we've had ups and downs through it all - God has been preparing me. He has been challenging me to look beyond the sawdust and the floor, littered with debris, and to stay focused on the artist rendition of the finished product.

I've probably said it before on this blog... but I just have to say it again - one of the greatest truths I've learned in life, is that everything has to look ugly before it can be beautiful - and when the Master Creator is weaving beauty into "ugly" - well... there are no words!

So lastly - before I close, I have to take time to thank the people in my life who have loved me through these crazy months, have prayed for our family and have been kind enough to not complain about the mess in this place, those who have resolved to be patient with us while we're "open during construction"!

It's the small things

So in the midst of a crazy season - when I find myself flying down the freeway of life at breakneck speeds - it's then that I realize - it's the little things that matter.

Tonight my 7 year old daughter made her own Barbie Monopoly. Each property was defined by places or things that make sense in her little world. Property #1 - "Hannah Montana Van" - this is her most prized possession. It's big, purple, hideously ugly and by far the most enticing toy she owns. So it makes sense that it would be property #1!

Her other properties included Walmart & Costco (which I believe we spend entirely too much time at), Virginia City (a local town that is by far the biggest tourist attraction to the 'wild west' set), and in place of Broadway and Park Place were the "Swim Center" and "Waterslide".

It could have been so easy to overlook the value of this board game created by 4 1/4 sheets of binder paper all taped, stapled and glued together.

But the star of this story - as much as it may seem like my daughter - is my husband. He is the one who pointed out that this game was a keeper, that this game was a reflection of our 7 year old's little world. And in doing that - he caused me to take a moment to really pay attention, to come up for air, and just take a look at my surroundings. And while it was a small thing - to suggest we keep this made up board game - it was indeed, a very big thing.

Thank You

To those who have kissed their loved ones goodbye, only to wonder if they'll see them again - this side of heaven. To those who have given up hopes and dreams, home and things - to fight for our freedom. To those who have lay in a hospital bed, been bandaged, stitched, broken, not fully mended. To those who have held tight to secrets of fear, intimidation & loneliness in hopes of providing strength for their loved ones thousands of miles away. I say, THANK YOU.

Thank you for protecting my freedom to live my life. My freedom to worship God, my freedom to raise my children. My freedom to work where I choose. My freedom to wear what I wear. My freedom to marry whom I love. My freedom to vote, to think, to speak and to write.

Brent Yamada ● Ed Menezes ● Steve Kincade ● Louis D’Hondt ● Jennifer Abbott ● Ben Abbott ● Josh Nauman ● Nate Shaw ● Rudy Bisson ● Kirt Robinson ● Rudolph Bisson ● Charles Alkula ● Meredith Stringer ● Jason Meyer ● Steve Gardner ● Ryan Lacroix ● Elixabeth Lacroix ● Nathaniel Stamps ● Steve Lochridge ●Jason Noble ● Ron Rogers ● David Dirksen ● Aren Hansen ● Eric Vance ● Claude Johnson ● Tina Johnson ● Mark Kostelecky ● Lydia Woodbury ● Dean Woodbury ● Mark Bowers ● Patrick Cannon ● Pat Ryan ● Don Giard ● Vicki Giard ● Ron Giard ●And Countless Others...

Thank you for your sacrifice. Thank you for your bravery. Thank you for your selflessness. And a special thanks to your spouses who are a whole other type of veteran!

Go Vote

We are blessed to live in a nation with freedoms that we all too often took for granted. We have a right, a privilege and an obligation to vote. It breaks my heart to hear stories from people who believe it doesn't matter. It does! Get out there and vote today! Your vote counts!

Halloween

For the past 12 years - I have tried to hide from Halloween. It's evil. Or is it? Years ago, a wonderful friend of mine asked me why "we" (Christians) let the enemy have all the fame and glory on Halloween. Why not reclaim it for Christ? Hmm... what a clever thought!

So for a few years - our family did harvest parties. At churches. Because that's reclaiming the day for Christ right? A church spending copious amounts of money and resources so Christian kids can play games and get loads of candy. Well it may have been reclaiming the day for Christ on the church's behalf - but I have to be honest - it was not on mine. It was a safe hiding place. I never did anything unique or special to give God glory or to share Him with anyone - at these harvest parties.

This year is different, for a few reasons:

1. Our church isn't hosting a harvest party
   That is the sad truth... our church not hosting a harvest party is the catalyst for change. Nothing I did.
   
2. Our kids are older - they have an interest in some of the "creepy stuff"
   We have a 9 year old boy in the house. He owns sweatshirts, shoes, t-shirts and I'm guessing countless toys with skulls and crossbones. So how do I now tell him he can't do a skeleton on his pumpkin. Wait - when did a skeleton become evil anyhow?
   
3. God has planted a holy discontentment in my heart.
   After realizing our church wasn't hosting a party - He began to give me a holy discontentment towards my own view of Halloween. He's been teaching me in some subtle and some very direct ways that Halloween provides a unique opportunity to build community in our neighborhood. How many other times a year are you encouraged to go visit neighbors, unannounced and interact with them?

So what are we doing about it? We're going trick or treating! That's right. We're going trick or treating in our neighborhood. We're going to go be a part of our community. And next year - we're going to consider how we can make a difference for Christ - in a way that honors and pleases Him - but speaks the common language of our community. At this brainstorming stage - I am seeing a bounce house, disco ball, Toby Mac on the stereo and some seriously good - high quality candy. We'll be praying about it - seeking His will on how we're going to claim this day for Christ!