At first the couple appeared to be having a great time. Laughing together and enjoying their conversation. Suddenly the girl knocked over her water glass. It was clearly an accident and she scrambled to stop the water from spilling all over her boyfriend. With an embarrassed smile she attempted to mop up the water quickly. But it wasn't enough for him. "What's wrong with you?" he shouted. And in that moment everything changed. A simple accident, responded to with harsh, condescending words pounded home a message to this girl that she was worthless, so much so that she wasn't even worthy of making a mistake. Clearly it wasn't the first time she'd heard this message either. How do I know this? I recognized the look in her eyes. A look of hopelessness, and defeat. A look that I, all too often have worn.
I spent years in a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship and while it's been years since I was surrounded by that, I still find myself feeling the effects of it. But the worst is when I see a young girl in a dating relationship who is subjected to that. I wanted to run over and hug her. I wanted to take her away from this guy who had just trampled her heart in one angry comment. I wanted to pass on all the things I have learned so that she wouldn't believe the same lies I had believed at one time.
Unfortunately, it wasn't the time or the place to do that, so here I am today, writing this post in hopes that maybe, just maybe it will help one person recognize the hurt a friend or loved one is experiencing and be there to love them through it. Standing by your friend/family member will help her move forward. You can play a part in her life in keeping her from being "that girl" - the one who dies a silent and lonely death inside by ways of emotional abuse. Loving her and holding an emotional mirror up so she can see her true worth will carry her through it. Not excusing her abusers behavior and not condemning her will help her gain the courage it takes to face her situation. Just don't ignore her. Don't look past her. And don't demean her.
For more information about different types of abuse, check out these resources:
